Some reviews

Why is it so difficult to meet somebody today?

In spite of all the networking possibilities and social media?

If you are Single, Divorced or Widowed and want to get back into the Dating game, if you're looking for that elusive partner, you will be interested to hear how a pro went about it. I was a matchmaker in Ireland and had my own dating agency. I'm sharing my experience and insider views with my readers. For more info see my book's website:!

I had the honor of being asked to come on the local NBC show First Coast Living twice in the last week to give dating advice. If you missed it, you can read all that stuff in my book.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

What do Men Really Want? A Matchmaker Divulges her Secrets

What do men really want? I knew what I wanted.  And I knew what the men in my dating agency had specified as high on their wish lists.  When I signed clients on as new members, I always interviewed them at length in order to get to know them and their expectations, and I also wanted to learn about what was important to them in a partner.  I had spent many hours conducting these interviews.  Men wanted someone younger than themselves, attractive, loving, and caring with a great sense of humor.  My lady clients all wanted a tall man, even the 5’2” ones wanted someone 6’ or taller, which always bothered me.  There already weren’t enough tall men in Ireland for tallish women like myself.  They also wanted an honest and reliable man who offered security and was active, combined with a great sense of humor.  These were the bare necessities, the absolute must haves; the rest were additional trimmings.  When I pressed men for more information, for details of what they found attractive in a woman, I got all kinds of answers.  Some said they were attracted to a woman’s eyes or her smile first.  Others claimed to be attracted to the toss of her hair.  One claimed he looked at a woman’s hands first.  Others seemed more honest, admitting they were attracted to a woman’s curves; this was sometimes accompanied by an automatic gesture of hands over chest, indicating big boobs.  Some wanted a lady “with all on it”.  They would say, “Don’t give me a bag of bones!” Beauty is deemed to be in the eye of the beholder.  Good thing, because otherwise, we would all be hankering after the same person.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Never Happy?

Poor Alec didn’t fully realize that something was amiss or that he was in the departure lounge.  I did not find the courage to explain how important financial stability was to me.  I kissed him goodbye.  The tears in my eye just suggested I was sad to leave him yet another time until we met up again.
I confess, to my shame, I sent him an email instead.  “Alec, I want to break it off; we are too different in many ways.” To take the sting out, I added that I considered looking for a man with my own cultural background who spoke my language.  And then the coup de grĂ¢ce,
“I know this comes as a shock to you and that you will want to discuss matters with me when you get this; but I feel I have said it all and don’t know what else to tell you.  Therefore, please don’t call me.  It would only make it more difficult.”
He didn’t call me.
No more “I crave you’s.” No more phone calls.  No more flowers.  I felt more relief than loss, as if a burden had lifted from my shoulders.
At the same time, bickering doubts made me wonder why I wasn’t suffering more: perhaps my problem was something more sinister.  An underlying problem that my Ex diagnosed for me years ago: that I couldn’t be happy because I was constantly looking for something better; that I was never satisfied.....

Sounds familiar? Read the rest of this chapter in: 

Thursday, August 7, 2014

What do you really Want?

Did it matter that I so often wondered whether these money things mattered? How could I be so shallow again, overlooking all the positives and wishing for a man who had more money? Had I come so far and become so happy only to be stalled by that old conundrum: love or money? I’d had money without enough love; now love with too little money, which had been so hard to find.  Now with my brain insistently whispering Love and Money I feared ending up with nothing but myself.
Dee wasn’t much help when I asked her for advice.
“You got your independence! Now you have a man who loves you.  What else do you want, woman? You wanted a relationship.  Now take the good with the bad.” But wasn’t that over-simplifying it a bit?

“Why am I not happy?”
“Why don’t you write down the ten most important values in your life, Cherie?”
I did and there it was in the top five: financial stability right next to emotional stability and love.  Once I had it in front of me in writing, I knew I had to deal with finances sooner rather than later.
In one of our longer phone conversations, my friend Annie asked me, “What do you really want?”
An overpowering question in its simplicity.  Most people think they know what they want, but did I? And how would I know when I had it? Was what I wanted realistic? Or was I a person who once she had a good or even great man, would then pick him apart because he was not perfect?
Alec’s love and commitment to me dispersed my doubts for another few weeks.  His affirmations like, I am hurting when you are not well and I want to comfort you reflected his feelings for me.  He never spoke of fucking, for him it was forever making love.  How could I cheapen this love that we both felt with these other mercenary thoughts that kept creeping in?
“The sex is so wonderful because it feels right,” Alec said.  “It’s all in the head, and it feels so right.”
There you go − I realized that’s where it went wrong with Oliver.  It didn’t feel right.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Developments with Alec

       What followed with Alec was month after month of passion, friendship, and exploring what we both wanted from life, and our relationship flourished.  We took every opportunity to be together, phoned each other daily or more often.  Alec called me all kinds of endearing names I wasn’t used to: Sweetheart, Beautiful, My Love, simple little things, but to me, they were a novelty that I soaked in like a purring kitten.
“I adore you.  I need to feel and taste you.  I worship you.  When we are apart, I am hurting.” I was counting the days till we met again.
“Four and a half,” I once said when he called on a Monday morning.
“93 hours, to be precise,” Alec replied.  Longing is such a delicious need when you have someone who is longing back.
We had wonderful times together in different places.  Christmas and New Year’s Eve together in Dublin and a trip to Rome for my birthday, which was so memorable that it took away the sting of getting older.  Alec was the most intuitive and considerate man I’d ever met, and I didn’t exaggerate when I told Chuck that Alec was the best lover.  I couldn’t find any snag about him except that dispensable cash seemed to be a rare commodity.

A niggling thought kept creeping out of the woodwork and showing its nasty head.  Did it matter that we needed to look for the absolute cheapest flights and best deals and that we didn’t go to expensive restaurants? I had a good-looking, loving man on my arm.  Did it matter that his Christmas present looked somewhat cheap? I had hankered for a certain watch, and he gave me a cheap imitation.  On the other hand, he sent me wonderful roses on a regular basis so that the local flower shop deliveryman greeted me like an old friend when I opened the door.  Did it matter that he didn’t buy any tiny Christmas present for my children? I suspected he didn’t expect them to give him any in return.  Did it matter that he didn’t own a monkey suit for our New Year’s Eve ball, but had to rent one? Wasn’t it most important that he worshipped me?